New Take at Friendship this Year

Hello,

My journey with friends has been rocky. I was never picky in making new relationships per se but I never felt like making a best friend.

Having a best friend is one of the few things I find difficult (yes, I generally do not find things difficult) because of all these movies and novels my expectations from a best friend have increased multifold. The void might never be fulfilled but I have learned to accept it. I have gradually learned to be satiated in what I have and stop wishing my present to be something that it is not. Covid years were probably the most pathetic in terms of my relationships with friends because, in the very first week of lockdown, reality dawned upon me that I am not comfortable over text. I despise the idea of being friends online because I can not do it. I know how to talk but only when you are visible physically, when I can see you, and understand your body language and gestures as much as your language. I am pathetic, to say the least, in initiating a continuing conversation over text with a friend. I am good at talking to someone formally but not at all okay with my peers. Either I run out of comments or awkwardly wait for other people to type. 

Sticking back to our theme of today, making friends have been not difficult but making genuine friends has been. After a certain point, it just felt as if people talk to me because they have to get some work done. After years of unnecessary toxicity and living among people who are wasting their life over being cool or aesthetic, I have friends who make me happy. 2022 was rather eccentric because students came back to campus with unhealthy expectations of each other and after multiple fights, doing the ignorance act for weeks, and everyone being in a relationship, I got the closure I was looking for. For the second time in my life, I decided to change my priorities, and trust me it felt much better than the last. I am with people who make me enjoy my day rather than who people make me feel not worthy. I am with people with whom I have serious conversations about the future. I discuss myself with them as much as they do. I might not be the perfect friend but that's the thing, I am willing to work on myself for them. And if you ever feel like working on yourself for some bunch of humans then you got to keep them. 

I did not make resolutions this year but on the first of January I did promise to myself that I am not going to sit back and experience situations I am not comfortable in, I will walk respectfully out of conversations that hold no mean to me and I surely will not let anyone else determine my self-worth through their narrow sense of judgment. 

My friend circle now is what I wished for this year. 10th grade was stressful and I had good energy around me the whole year, I had people being happy for me and with me. 2022 was a no-toxicity year. I don't want to jinx this one because sections are changing next academic session and I have to face a new set of faces from April.

One of many things that life has taught me over this small span of life is that there is no time for testing. You cannot put all of your genuine love and care into a relationship only to realize that the person did not deserve it. Take a hold of your life and make better decisions for yourself. Cut out on the negative energy of others and speak up if you do not like it. Bottling down your emotions will bring bad consequences for you. As we are growing older the time for investing in others is reducing significantly so make the most out of it. 

I'll catch you in the next one,

Diana Jean.