friendships and advices

Hello,

How do you decide on your company? For kids it is easy, parents ask them to make only 'intelligent' friends. As we grow older, we seem to realize what illogical parameters we had for friendships as a kid. We also learned how hard we used to try to be friends with others. 

Having healthy friends is so vital in today's world. In a world full of selfishness it is crucial to find someone there for you. My journey of having friends has been rocky, but that is a story for some other day. I have heard such worse experiences of others that it makes me sick to even think that a fellow person can do that to someone. For the longest I believed that there is no such thing as a bad person, there is just a person with bad circumstances but owing to my past experiences and other substantial examples, I  believe there are bad people. People who, if ever confronted, will never accept their mistakes. 

I never had a heartbreaking moment in terms of friendship but it has always been difficult for me to open up to anyone. Usually, it is some incident that drives people away from their friends, in my case, it was not an incident but a series of multiple things. No one ever considered me anything more than an academic geek, all they ever saw was a competitive "topper". Even if I tried my best to make them feel normal, they had the mentality of me being fake or being friends for selfish reasons. Till middle school, I wanted validation from every friend of mine if I am good or not, or worth their friendship and when I look back at it now, it was so wrong. It was so harmful to me. I constantly feared that my friends would leave me what if they might think that I am not a good companion. This fear grew to such an extent that I stopped sharing anything about myself. I did not utter anything about my family, or my personal life. I had this thing in my head that they might judge me for my lifestyle. And if they judge you, they were never really those 6 letters.

Towards the end of middle school, I was somehow able to keep up good relations with a few of my friends. 

It wasn't until now that I realise that they truly are with me. I don't feel they might abandon me. And let's understand that this vanishing of fear came because I accepted myself. I accepted that I don't need validation from others about how I score, what I do, or what I participate in or not. The love that I expected others to show me came when I started applying it to myself. 

My friends don't judge me anymore, and even if they do I talk to them. The best advice that I can give you is to communicate. Even if it is someone else's fault or ego issues, just talk. I have lost one very important friendship in my life because of a lack of communication and I don't wish that on anyone. It might seem that we have a lot of time in hand, but trust me, we don't.  

I believe that life gets busy as we grow old and we won't have that much time to invest in new relations. It is only in school and college days that friendships impact us so much. Try and make sure it impacts in a good way. People do come with their flaws and accept them as they are but don't let their personality overshadow yours. Your decisions might have input from them but they should never be influenced by them. It is difficult to let go of people but in the long run, you only want people who cherish you. Change for the better while simultaneously learning from others.

[I found this quote recently. Touched me thoroughly.]

The group I was a part of in Class VI was dear to my heart. If today we would have stayed together I doubt any schoolmate of ours would have questioned anything about the bond we shared and now, that we all are not together I do feel disheartened but the lessons it taught me helped me embrace myself. People are temporary but the lessons they teach you are forever. I would never change anything about what happened to me, good or bad.

I think it is enough advice for the day, stay strong and don't be afraid to take a step for your betterment.

[Side Note: I am doing good, hope you are too. I have finished my book review for the Ana Huang series but I don't find it worth putting online for some reason. The language I used is so not my style. I will publish it only if I feel confident about it. As for my life lately, it is busy and hectic but I am trying to manage. October month is full of events and competitions. It is so beautiful in school, everyone is preparing and participating.]

I'll catch you in the next one,
Diana Jean