Struggle

Hey,

Last night when I was brainstorming around topics to write, I came across STRUGGLE. I don't know if my definition of struggle matches with yours but somehow we all relate, we all know how we feel when we struggle. When I struggle I feel as if my brain is locked up. I feel as if there is no way out and everything would go wrong. My day starts getting long and monotonous. Reading affirmations and positive quotes can temporarily relieve you but it can not give you total freedom. You have to face it, you need to have that courage to believe in yourself and your perspective and sort things out. 

The worst thing that happened to me was to lose my loved ones. I could possibly never forget that, even though I was 9, all of that left a huge impact on me. Noticing so many people visit you not because of some party but to mourn death terrified me and will continue to do. A lot of people ask me why am I so mature at such an age or why am I so realistic about life, this is the reason why. I never wanted to have such changes in me so fast, I still wish I could've enjoyed my childhood just a little more. When children around me were busy making new friends and trying new games I made sure I was there for my family, even if it was to serve a glass of water, I did. When my friends threw birthday parties I was more than happy to even get chocolate on mine. I guess crying right now while typing this says it all. And probably that is why I don't like to have a huge birthday party.

No one is to be blamed. Not me, my life or my family because I chose to look at the brighter side. If all that would have not happened then I would not have become what I am today. If I regret that time then I appreciate the time that I lived after it. I appreciate how my family started considering me a grown-up and how my friends regarded me so much. I don't know if I can ever grow out of that stigma but it will be there always to teach me how to cherish the life I live now. 

The thing that helped me a lot was the fact that I accepted all of it and had this one thing in my mind. "This is just a test and it all will be over soon." I knew at the back of my mind that my family is there, and how more critical it is for them than it is for me. It took a lot of time to heal yet it did. As I am typing this I can say that I am living the time of my life, I have everything that I dreamt of and everything that my parents can give me.

 One more thing that kept me going on was how I understood that what I am going through right now is just 10% of what life has to offer and I am ready for it. 

All this while what I learnt is to not compare your life or your struggles with someone else's. What might be a big thing for you may not be for someone else. You can expect support and understanding but not the solution. It is important to value life as it is, for sure dream big but don't be disheartened if your life doesn't go the way you planned. We all just have to wait and see what happens if we don't stop striving.

I'll catch you in the next one,
Diana Jean.